@Jenny4ashley: I love the compliments my boss gives like "wow you're on time today" and "great job ignoring dress code again".
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@InternetHippo: "What are you doing, idiot?" – me, to other drivers on the road "What are you doing, idiot?" – me, to myself, in all other situations
@briangaar: Looking at the smoldering corpses of his enemies, Harry Potter thought "damn magic is dope as hell." #LastLinesFromGreatBooks