@Jenny4ashley: I love the compliments my boss gives like "wow you're on time today" and "great job ignoring dress code again".
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@jonnysun: *sees a baby screaming on the plane* wait-- WAIT. WHY IS HE SCREAMING. OH MY GOD WHY IS HE SCREAMING. WHAT DOSE HE KNOW THAT WE DONT
@poopiest: "haha this costume party is great" "sir PLEASE get off the table" "cool librarian costume" *sprays silly string* "hey dude nice police costu
@duplicitron: You're hiking. Smokey the Bear appears smoking a cigar. He nods, flicks it into a pile of leaves and smiles, "No one will ever believe you."