@vanluvz1: I love the gym this time of year.
The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.
@EliiHenry: *Open up, police!!*
"NO YOU'RE GONNA YELL AT ME."
@Elizasoul80: I walk around in public saying "wait for me guys" so everyone thinks I have friends.
@UNTRESOR: "How did you sleep?"
"On my back, mostly. At one point I tried to climb into my dryer but I couldn't fit."
Coach: Okay men we're literally losing at basketball to a dog... any ideas?
-I have one.
*pulls out vacuum with a jersey on*
@MrSpoonicorn: i hate it when Darth Vader puts eggs in my mailbox and then rides away on a kids tricycle