@JennyJohnsonHi5: I love the Olympics, but missing Dateline due to the Olympics sucks. One of these athletes better end up being a serial killer or something.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Friend: I set a new personal record last week Me: Me too Friend: I took 2 minutes off my marathon time Me: I ate 12 tacos in one sitting.
@TheDairylandDon: Where do avocados come from? Uh, well, when a crocodile loves a pear very much...