@meganamram: I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though
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@SonOfCha: Sometimes I'm depressed and then a girl stars one of my tweets and it's like YAAAAYYYY NEW GIRLFRIEND!!!!!
@sweetandweak: Daughter just told me, "Dad, I don't make sandwiches, I eat sandwiches." One day her picture will be on money.
@SpencerLenox: I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
@Jarhead44: My dog sure acts tough for an animal whose natural habitat is on the couch under his blankie.