@meganamram: I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though
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@BackrowSeats: If you can't be with the one you love then be with the one who has the best cable package.
@GrantTanaka: Went to an Air & Space museum today, nothing was in there. I asked "So what's the exhibit?" & the guy was like "You're breathing it, man."
@Tmoney68: "DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE? YOU'RE IN THE JUNGLE GYM, BABY! AGES THREE TO NIIIIINNNNE!" - Axl Rose, playground monitor.
@cervixsmash: Mobile tweeting with 3% battery is a lot like the band playing while the titanic sank