@lizetagge: I love to give homemade gifts, which one of my kids do you want...
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@pixelatedboat: "Predators are essential for a healthy ecosystem," I explained as I released a bobcat into the airduct
@Rollinintheseat: Why do authors subtitle their books, "A Novel". Did someone look at their book one day and say "I thought this was a sandwich?"
@Smooheed: *signs into Skype meeting with very important clients* *tries to sound incredibly intelligent* *gets attacked by moth* *falls off chair*
@ElleOhHell: "The new iPhone 6 is bigger!" Meh. "It has more sensors!" Pfft. "You can block group texts." I WOULD LIKE ONE THOUSAND OF YOUR IPHONE