@Discourt: I love to run. Around the house. Chasing my toddler. Because she took my iced coffee.
@AmznMovieRevws: The Accountant.
h/t: @KrangTNelson @Boogieknight
@eedrk: spraypainting "CHEATER" on my car to make it look like im sexually active
@matt___nelson: [getting escorted out of zoo] "I just wanted to see if the panda knew kung fu like in the movie"
@LithiumJunkie: There are going to be a lot of drunk mosquitos tonight.
@mattsurely: *receives get well soon card*
Oh yeah, why didn't I think of that?
*gets well soon*