@Keys_ToMe: I love to watch the look of panic on my husband's face when I pull a pair of panties out of my drawer and say, "um, these aren't mine."
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@JamieGreenlees: My GF left me because she said I lied about stupid things. I was so upset I ate a car park :(
@tricycle_champ: [walking away from taco truck] WIFE: whats wrong ME: nothing WIFE: did u think the truck would be one giant taco ME: *wiping away tears* no
@ArfMeasures: DATE: I'm a historian, I love the mediaeval era ME: [trying to impress her] *dies at 28*
@yonewt: My wife's signature move is asking me a question then turning on the faucet when I answer.