@waveymaree: I love twitter
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@batkaren: We've secretly replaced Janet's coffee with melatonin capsules. Let's see if— okay yeah, she noticed. She looks pissed. Sleepy, but pissed…
@Brianhopecomedy: 5 year old: "That's a big truck!" "It's a moving truck." "ALL TRUCKS MOVE." Why am I the one that feels like an idiot?
@carlyken: Just remember, every time someone misuses the word "epic" Zooey Deschanel covers another Smiths song on her ukulele.
@TheAlexNevil: 7 barges into bathroom while I'm showering, laughs & says "I saw your peanut." He either mispronounced a word or made a hurtful observation.