@waveymaree: I love twitter
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@JusticeBeever: Just shaved my beard and I feel kinda naked without it. I'm also not wearing any pants but I'm pretty sure its the beard thing.
@sarcasm_inc: [interview after losing a fight] "What happened out there?" I dont kn-OMG WHAT IS THAT *interviewer doesnt look* Ugh didnt work on u either
@weinerdog4life: Someone hired a sloth with a knife to murder me, he's in my driveway, so I have 6-8 months to live