@IrishVin: I love walking down the street smiling to myself. It really freaks people out. Especially if my trousers are round my ankles.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@dafloydsta: [date] HER: Do you like Star Wars? ME: Of course HER: Which character do you identify with? ME: *leans in close* The complete void of space
@GFGander: People need to learn how to record their name on a voicemail system. "You have one new voicemail from... *heavy breathing* Toooooooddddd"
@GrumpyComments: Found my cat reading To Kill A Mockingbird. I told him that it didn't actually involve killing birds, but he said he liked courtroom dramas.
@thatUPSdude: I heard someone say their podcast was on "hiatus", guess that sounds better than "my mom took away my laptop".