@Maui_Speaks: I love wearing ear-buds and listening to the music loud at the gym, because no one can hear you if you fart...Why is everyone looking at me?
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@SCbchbum: I listen to Ed Sheeran in the same way I stuff an entire cupcake in my mouth over the sink hoping no one will see.
@Black__Elvis: If I had a daughter I wouldn't waste money on training bras, I'd trap wild bras and train them myself like our ancestors did.
@Mr_Kapowski: Guy 1: Women love a man that's well read Guy 2: Got it [date] Woman: So what- Guy 2: *covered in ketchup* How well do you like me red?
@turboescortdude: 3 y/o: I want a bagel Me: We don't have any 3 y/o: You're a idiot Me: How did you survive your abortion