@Maui_Speaks: I love wearing ear-buds and listening to the music loud at the gym, because no one can hear you if you fart...Why is everyone looking at me?
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@mean_crow: "Someone's been sleeping in my bed!" said mommy bear. "Who hasn't" muttered daddy bear. "What?! You wanna do this now, in front of the kid!"
@stephenjmolloy: Wife: "How did your first day as a lifeguard go?" Me: "Amazingly well, thanks. Everyone was so friendly and waving at me."
@mattZillaaaa: I work with some really great people. They're reliable, they're honest and they never cause any problems. I don't fit in at all.
@fred_dog: I think my neighbor's dog is in heat. She's been crying the last 2 nights. I may need to take one for the team if I want to get some sleep.