@SweetTweetsBRO: I love when I'm walking closely behind a girl and she starts to speed walk away. It's like she knew I wanted to race all along.
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@Home_Halfway: 1) Put on chicken costume 2) Go to store to pick up eggs 3) Run up to store manager and emotionally scream "WHO DID THIS TO MY CHILDREN????"
@Wakenbake77: I'm not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn't looking, I can turn water into Sprite.
@abhorrent_wife: There is no amount of money I wouldn't pay for a remote control that could walk itself over to me from the other side of the room.