@SweetTweetsBRO: I love when I'm walking closely behind a girl and she starts to speed walk away. It's like she knew I wanted to race all along.
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@LindaInDisguise: If my partner didn't want me to wear yoga pants because they make me too attractive to other men, I'd respect his wishes and take them off.
@online_shawn: I'm open to change but not when it's sudden like Stephen Colbert getting new glasses with no warning
@ArfMeasures: ME: I was having a juice cleanse between 6 & 8 p.m COP: You don't need an alibi, you're not a suspect ME: I know, I'm just telling everyone
@awkwardphilippe: Wanna go out with me? Make an awkward face for yes. Name the entire periodic table for no.