@caliluvgirl77: I love when my friends start selling weight loss shakes because that's one less person I ever have to talk to again.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@JasonLastname: [sitting at bar next to cute woman] You remind me of my late wife. "Oh I'm so sorry." Don't be, *looks across restaurant* there she is now.
@Brianhopecomedy: My wife said "vase" wrong so I corrected her and now we know that it can just barely fit over my head.
@velvettusk: My dog is coming home from surgery today and I hope he did ok. He can’t afford another malpractice suit.