@The_MartiniGirl: I love when people tell me to get my act together and I'm like who the hell is acting geez.
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@senderblock23: [someone reading a beautiful poem in german] ME: i have never been more frightened
@KarenKilgariff: LIFE HACK: If a public restroom is locked, violently yank the door handle over and over like a gorilla and never accept that it's occupied
@suntzufuntzu: "What if Waldo finds me first?" I ask naively. Grandma closes the book; the blood drains from her face. "Don't let that happen," she warns.