@The_MartiniGirl: I love when people tell me to get my act together and I'm like who the hell is acting geez.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@EricDumbTweets: I don't trust people who say "I married my best friend" because I don't think dogs can truly consent to marriage.
@KKAlThani: If I had a boy I'd name him "Opportunity" & whenever he knocks on the door I'll say "I bet that's opportunity knocking" & laugh with my wife
@karencreets: I should probably never be a mom considering I'd rather drop a baby in a puddle than my iPhone