@The_Sculptress: I love you guys with all my ass. I would say heart, but my ass is bigger.
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@clyderun: The ex hasn't moved out yet. To make her uncomfortable I left a new box of condoms out on the table. She retaliated with a pregnancy kit.
@AnkCoupleTO: [5 hours into assembling a new bed for my kid] you'll get used to sleeping on the floor in no time at all
@JennyJohnsonHi5: No matter how adorable you think your young son is, it's best you not refer to him as a "lady killer", it might end up being true.