@lovemydogduck: If I was Juliet I would of said something more like this: Romeo , Romeo! Wherefore art my pizza, Romeo!?
@david8hughes: Me: can I have a few extra days off over Christmas
Boss: it's May
Me: sorry, may I have a few extra days off over Christmas
@JaySaysStuff: Hot single dads in your area AREN'T WORKING 60 HOURS A WEEK FOR YOU TO AIR CONDITION THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD SHUT THE GODDAMN DOOR.
@KalvinMacleod: Steps to survive on a dessert island:
1. check spelling
2. if correct, enjoy
@robdelaney: I'm literally typing this from atop a giraffe in Ghana. Her name is Coriander & we love each other.
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