@thesupergrobi: I love you so much, I'll just sit at home and stare at my phone to make you notice.
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@Reverend_Scott: Recent studies link bacon to cancer. "Ya, don't eat bacon, you'll get so much cancer", said one pink scientist.
@_davidlucas_: The shortest distance between two points is over a cyclist. ~Australian drivers, apparently.
@ninjabaconpizza: My wife saw someone kill horses in Minecraft and she is making me build a Minecraft memorial for dead Minecraft animals.