@Tmoney68: I should have known my son was stealing from his road construction job, but every time I came home I guess I just ignored all the signs.

@FreudsTwin: Mad scientist- Checks for Labs Bartender- Checks for Tabs Boxer- Checks for Jabs Uber- Checks for Cabs Your back - Checks for Stabs

@_eric_alexander: I predict that in the year 2050 the only people who will have tramp stamps will be grandmas. Thus they will be referred to as granny stamps.

@TitansHomer: My daughter just asked for a Samsung Galaxy phone. Had to sit her down and explain to her we aren't poor. #iPhone

@timdonakowski: When your great-grandchildren call you racist for thinking all monkeys look the same.