@3sunzzz: I loved Prince, and in my opinion, Michael Jackson was pale in comparison.
@asanders1972: A 22 year old girl said to me "there's NO WAY you are 41"
I put her in my pocket and took her home.
She's mine now.
@DanMentos: "Honey did you put a dead rattlesnake in my boot?"
Oh it died?
@AaronFullerton: Making a list of all the people who wrote "Happy Birthday" on my wall without an exclamation point so that I know who's secretly mad at me.
- traveling zombies
@slimmy_shady: If you can read this, you're standing too close to my iPhone!