@dinnersruined: I made a barista at Starbucks cry when I put my name down as "Dad" and he just stood there calling it over and over
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@CopBroughtPizza: i'm reading this thesaurus. it's really interesting, or should i say... very interesting.
@generaldietz: Baby Soldier: Ma'am. Your husband is MIA. Soldiers wife: *covers crying face with hands* Baby Soldier: Oh great! Now his wife is MIA too.
@AdamBroud: HER:I love Tolstoy's take on the human moral struggle ME:*Trying to impress* See I prefer Tolstoyee 3 where Woody was in the trash compactor