@dinnersruined: I made a barista at Starbucks cry when I put my name down as "Dad" and he just stood there calling it over and over
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@TheJamieLee: My Starbucks guy just said, "Looks like you had a rough night!" ...I didn't even go out.
@rohoxbaby: Every Facebook post: *Girl posts lyrics* Elderly woman comments "Hi lucy. you're so grown up. We miss you. Tell your mom ill call Wednesday"
@Tetley6969: I like it when my kids are old enough to drink out of the toilet on their own. That way I don't have to get out of bed to get them a drink.
@theevilwriter: Tip: if you often say things like "there is no i in team but there *is* one in incompetence" they won't ask you to mentor new coworkers.