@RickAaron: I made an appointment for laser hair removal then remembered that I don't have any laser hair.
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@LurkAtHomeMom: Pediatrician: How much water does she drink? Me: You mean like water water or bath water?
@50NerdsofGrey: 'Come over,' she begged. 'I need you right now!' 'Just turn it off and on again,' he sighed. He hated these late night rebooty calls.
@lenigs17: If I liked one of your pics from 12 weeks ago, doesn't mean I'm stalking you...It just means you haven't looked nice in awhile
@pizza_dragon: Hi kids I'm Keanu Reeves here to tell you that speed is never cool unless you're a professional SWAT member on a bus that's about to blow up