@Rollinintheseat: I made fun of a guy for still having a Nokia phone. He threw it at me and knocked me unconscious.
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@tastefactory: BEN CARSON: On the news I saw a portal to another dimension open & robots came out, we need to stop that MODERATOR:That was The Avengers sir
@THEPokerWife: After seeing your latest selfie ... And knowing what you look like in real life.... I'd like to hire you for your photoshopping abilities.
@AndrewChamings: CAR SALESMAN: Check out the reclining seats. ME: Oh this baby is gonna get some action *winks* [Cut to me asleep in car on my lunch break]