@AnkCoupleTO: I made my will yesterday and had to make my lawyer the beneficiary because my estate will just about cover his bill
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@cluedont: Why does my wife always wait until I'm at the opposite end of the house before asking me to 'Merm frner mernferr brnerfer!'?
@RamblingMachine: If you watch Jaws backwards, it's about a shark with gastritis that keeps throwing up people until they all have fun on the beach.
@DivorceDad: I just got this twitter error: "The server understood your request but is refusing to fill it." Apparently, twitter thinks we're married.