@SRbeta: I make a mean grilled cheese sandwich.
This one just told me i was adopted :(
@haleysfalling: bought candy at the movies and suddenly i can't pay this months rent anymore
@mjkspeaks: Accidentally pressed 2 for Spanish and Donald Trump's security team came out of nowhere to deport me.
@sharpular: I'll call bowling a sport when there's a goalie.
@TyWebb1980: I was shit at school. I turned up to the wrong lessons and sat the wrong exams. The rest as they say is geography.
@NickSchug: I woke up in the middle of the night and wrote "dentists are liars" into my phone. Not really sure what the plan is with that.