@LindseyEllison2: "I make everything sad, but I'll class your shit up." - Violins
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@daemonic3: Cop: Know why I pulled you over? I'm in a High Occupancy lane Cop: Yes...wait IS THAT A JOINT? Yeah I'm HIGH lol Cop: My bad, free to go
@PortRooster: On phone: GF: We're breaking up... Me: I can hear you fine! GF: It's not you, it's me... Me: Did you get a new provider? GF: Kinda... Bye!
@crow_death: I'm going to put my limbs into each corner of a fitted sheet and attempt to become a sugar glider.
@goodhairperson: I've decided I want a sad funeral. None of this upbeat "celebration of life" shit. I want sobbing, ppl vomiting w grief, at least 2 suicides