@NotJPo: I may be delusional, but at least every single person I've ever met is in love with me
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@scott_towel: When the grid crashes and there's no other way of communicating, we'll see whose drum circle is "stupid".
@JamesBarretts: Immediately after giving birth to me my mom was charged with crimes against humanity
@NatBaimel: 17 year-old Malia Obama playing beer pong is the most outrageous thing the child of a president has done since George W. Bush invaded Iraq
@gerryhatric: A man was arrested on Brighton beach today for throwing pebbles at the sea birds. He was accused of having left no tern unstoned.