@TheBoydP: I may be getting old but not “doesn’t know what day of the week it is” old. I can tell by which day I open on my daily pill organizer.
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@Fred_Delicious: Police chief - "I've been hearing reports that one of our cops is an undercover lobster" Me -[struggling to grip coffee mug in huge pincers]
@TheWoodenslurpy: You’re a vegetarian who eats fish? I guess that makes sense since bears are basically vegetarians.
@PaperWash: mom: I'm not your friend I'm your mother! [20 years later] mom: why won't you accept my friend request on FB? I'm your mother
@gruffybeard: Her: Why is every chocolate in the box half eaten? [Flashback to me biting every piece to find one I like] Me: We have a rat problem.