@BadMikeyBad: I may be weird, but everyone needs a buddy who will show up at 2 a.m. and help get the dead zebra out of the septic tank without judging you
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@Mr_Kapowski: If you encounter another Dad in the wild wearing a #1 Dad shirt, you must fight to the death. Disneyland has never been so fun
@Brampersandon_: [Infomercial] HOST: Wanna learn how to lose up to 15 pounds with one simple trick?!? AUDIENCE: Yes! HOST: Here's how! *rips off his own arm*
@WhatevaConc: The word résumé has fireworks coming out of it to help with the pronunciation yet we're left to fend for ourselves with colonel?
@abhorrent_wife: I would totally get into a stranger's windowless van if they took me away from my family for an hour.