@TheBigBatman: I mean I married my wife for her looks, but not the dirty ones she's been giving me lately.
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@liv_thatsme: (Boyfriend reaches for an old Target bag to line the trash can) Me: NOT THE NICE TRASH BAGS
@ch000ch: You: (about to show me a video on your phone) Me: oh haha ya i've seen this already but def don't ask me any questions about it
@Coepacetic: At the disco last night. They played twist. I did the twist. They played jump. I jumped. They played come on Eileen. I got kicked out.