@TheBigBatman: I mean I married my wife for her looks, but not the dirty ones she's been giving me lately.
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@RaylaRimpson: My mom put shredded carrots in our Jello, so don't tell me about your rough childhood.
@genehunter1: Twitter is the only place where you're thrilled when a complete stranger starts following you.
@joeldanger: Dear Satan, God never healed my dyslexia so I'm looking for new religion. Please send some pamphlets. And tell Rudolph hey. Love, Me
@JayUhOh: Five chickens leave Topeka traveling west at 25 mph. Please help me find them chickens. Those are my chickens.