@nPhelendriqal: I mean, I'm smart, but I'm no Alfred Einstein.
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@Iwriteforcats: [Sunday] God: Finally a day of rest. I could really use a chicken sandwich and a milkshake. *walks up to Chick-fil-A* OH COME ON!!
@froghammer: There's a giant exploding ball of fire in sky every day, and we're just supposed to be cool with it? Hell no, I'm not into that at all.
@laurenmacdonald: I use the phrase "when I win the lottery" a lot for someone who never buys any lottery tickets.
@Kelly_skeleton: Asked my daughter to get me a glass of water & she brought me a glass of wine....she's either Jesus or I gotta remember the lies I tell her