@nPhelendriqal: I mean, I'm smart, but I'm no Alfred Einstein.
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@dshack8: "I know she told me to buy Tampax, but I'll buy the store brand that's on sale instead." The last thoughts of a man who's about to die.
@iamfase: The greatest trick Facebook ever pulled was to convince the world we actually want to keep in touch with people we went to school with.
@tiffinysawyers: Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I'm available.