@SkinnieTalls: I mean, really though, who hasn't seen a UFO at this point?
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@briangaar: Son, that bear is more afraid of you than you are of ... oh wow, that bear is being really brave right now.
@flashember: You, watching House Hunters: this is ridiculous Me, a house hunter: [squatting low to the ground, sniffing house dung] a bungalow is nearby
@man_in_radiator: My neighbor upstairs bought a new treadmill and I accidentally just shot five holes in my ceiling.
@iwearaonesie: friend: Try this me[takes drink] It's wine friend: Did you detect a hint of anything? me:Alcohol friend: But what did it taste like? me:Wine