@trumpetcake: I melted down all my various rewards cards into a universal "Rewards Dagger" that gets me a discount everywhere.
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@magicraisin: She said: "I want to have your children." . Me: "They'll be on the first bus in the morning."
@trumpetcake: MY NANA WAS A FREAK IN THE SACK. Now granted, we didn't stuff her in that sack often, but boy would she freak out when we did.
@HarryRamble: I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.