@trumpetcake: I melted down all my various rewards cards into a universal "Rewards Dagger" that gets me a discount everywhere.
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@causticbob: My wife sent me an image of herself which really enticed me into coming home from work early. It was a picture of her at the airport.
@Dani_Feld: I just took out a spider so big that, moments after, the postman rang the doorbell and I thought it was the spider.
@BobTheSuit: *gets email* -Do you want to chat with hot nineteen-year olds in your area?- *responds* "Can any of them help me with this iTunes update?"