@Ellequence: I might be OCD, but I'm not falling for that check engine bullshit. It's there.
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@KalvinMacleod: Dave is coming over. Dave from work or loud and obvious Dave? Outside: THIS RAIN HAS MADE ME WET. I AM WEARING PANTS. MY EYES ARE BLINKING.
@hippieswordfish: 'welcome to subway how can i-' ME:*punches counter*WHY DOES THE KOOL-AID MAN CARRY A SMALLER PITCHER OF KOOL-AID 'sir-' M: IS IT HIS PISS
@djdarrellripley: Him: I just had sex with that woman! Me: She’s 60. Him: I know. Me: I Hope you used protection or you might have caught osteoporosis.