@LoveNLunchmeat: I miss being a kid and playing cowboys and Indians. Now whenever I chase people around with a tomahawk I get arrested.
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@KalvinMacleod: [pet store] COP: someone's been stealing puppies OWNER: OMG now I’m missing another one ME: who would do such a thing *shirt starts barking*
@mydmac: I can't wait for Halloween so that I can walk around with a bloody carving knife without being questioned.
@RdrJay47: Trainer: Why do you want to learn jujitsu? Person 1: To defend myself. Person 2: Discipline. Me: My girlfriend keeps stealing my fries.
@Chumpstring: [used car] ME: my credit's bad SALESMAN: k ME: i'm a criminal SALESMAN: no law against that ME: i'm on the run SALESMAN: then you need a car