@DanRegans: I miss the old days when I could say I wasn't around and you couldn't check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying
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@dreamsinchocola: My husbands signature move is running to town "real quick" and coming home 5 hours later.
@brittwastaken: Soccer mom:Is that apple organic? Me:No idea. SM: I hope you know the pesticides they spray on those will kill you. Me:*slowly licks apple*
@michaeljhudson: What sound does a cow make? "Moooo" Good, a duck? "Quack" Good, how about a seal? "My power my PLEASURE MY PAIN, babaaaayyy
@Just_Beachy72: Answers phone breathlessly Friend: Sorry!! Didn't know you had company Me: I was washing floors F: Oh...is that the new code? Me: No...