@DanRegans: I miss the old days when I could say I wasn't around and you couldn't check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying
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@paulablu22: Hey guy in your car behind me, Your honking isn't going to make me type any faster.
@InternetHippo: MAFIA BOSS (ominously): Take him out ME: What if he's already seeing someone MAFIA BOSS: Well then you have to respect that relationship
@0hJuliette: Why are so many men suddenly curious who my father is right in the middle of our lovemaking?