@wsforbes: I miss you... then I eat something and it goes away...
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@KevinBuffalo: Told a girl she's more attractive when she's not wearing glasses and she said I'm also more attractive when she's not wearing glasses.
@ThisOneSayz: Nothing's labeled clearly, I was promised tea & never got any, the criminal justice system is barbaric. ~ Alice's Yelp review of Wonderland
@kelkulus: My iPhone corrects "WHOA" to "WHOSE", which just made my text response to "I JUST HAD A BABY!!!" a little awkward.
@samalmightysam: My girlfriend told me she loved me and wanted to marry me so I shot her in self defense.