@hazelmotes1: "I missed you so much!" I shout as I run past my wife's open arms and jump into my bed.
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@HairyJew4Life: Me: What's one thing you don't like about your girlfriend? Him: She doesn't swallow. Me: What? How does she eat?
@SamGrittner: If someone starts talking to you, easily get out of the conversation by nodding while climbing the nearest tree.
@Reverend_Scott: GUY: I wish girls liked comics. GIRL: I love comics. GUY: Oh really? Then what's the Hulk's favorite flavor ice cream?
@ThaJawn: Dad Rabbit: Who is this Daughter Rabbit: My BF Emo BF Rabbit: gotta go babe, My band Bad Hare Cut has practice *flips ears away from eyes