@WomensHumor: I missed your birthday because I didn't log onto Facebook that day. #LetsBeReal
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@summerofbenny: "I think this chlorine is healing my anal fissure." - Things not to say in a swimming pool. Apparently.
@ghostkrogh: alladin: do u trust me jasmine: i've only known you for 2 hours a: so u don't wanna jump off this rooftop j: lemme ask my tiger first
@WarrenHolstein: Janay Rice says the elevator attack was all part of God's plan. God must not like her very much.