@WomensHumor: I missed your birthday because I didn't log onto Facebook that day. #LetsBeReal
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@TheCatWhisprer: Just got kicked out of Chipotle for knowing what I wanted when I got to the front of the line.
@Smug_Lemur: Forgot I started my stopwatch. It's now been 139:27.05 since I wondered how long it takes me to run five miles.