@WomensHumor: I missed your birthday because I didn't log onto Facebook that day. #LetsBeReal
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@RobbyRob313: When I said that you'd always have a place to stay in rough times, I meant like a motel or a shelter. Anyway ... You can't stay here.
@shawnhitch22: After handing a girl my mixtape I asked her if she was ready for TOTAL AURAL SATISFACTION not realizing what it had sounded like.
@space0tter: Date *pulls out clipboard* "Name?" "Uh.. Beth." "Ok.. Check. Kids?" "No" "Check. Club Penguin username?" "What's that?" *drops clipboard*
@OhighIsis: Mom called to ask if I'd take her shopping. Me: What time? Mom: Anytime between 1-4. Apparently my Mom works for the cable company now.