@WomensHumor: I missed your birthday because I didn't log onto Facebook that day. #LetsBeReal
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@KenJennings: I've been at this elementary school talent show for half an hour and I've already heard "Shake It Off" 137 times.
@girl_a_whirl: You know you're a mover & a shaker when HR rewrites the dress code for you. Whatever Anita, those tear-away pants looked fabulous on me.
@ProdigyNelson: Dad: relax kids, no monkey business in a nice restaurant [table over] Monkey 1: *slams briefcase shut, stands up* Monkey 2: not worth it man