@bourgeoisalien: I misspelled "marriage" and Auto Correct changed it to "mirage." What do you know that I don't, Auto Correct?
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@slimmy_shady: 20% of traffic accidents involve deer.Who allowed deer to drive in the first place?
@WheelTod: This may be not be a mainstream opinion, but I don't believe you should cut down a Christmas tree unless you intend on eating it.
@sarcasm_inc: [airport security pulls Robocop aside] -Got ID? I AM A POLICE OFFIC- -Murphy eh. Looks nothin like u. THAT WAS BEFORE I GOT SH- -Save it pal