@bourgeoisalien: I misspelled "marriage" and Auto Correct changed it to "mirage." What do you know that I don't, Auto Correct?
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@polyhumorous: I got my husband to marry me 51 days after we met. Today is our 20th Anniversary and I think he's still wondering what the hell happened.
@TheAlexNevil: 5: I want to learn drums. Me: Ok, but you have to walk them, feed them, and pick up their poop. *confused, 5 walks away I am the master.
@mjkspeaks: [arguing with friend about chemistry] *cop walks up* do we have a problem here? Me: No. We will find a solution once you argon, officer.
@wickedsuga: I won't block you, but I will put a curse on you that you'll never be able to finish a sneeze ever again for the rest of your life.