@MasterSociopath: I mistook the Facebook status box for Google search, and now I don't have to go to family functions any more.
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@JoParkerBear: The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of intoxicants.
@djr_102: Women love shy guys with some sensitive sensibilities. They also love confidence and assertiveness. So, have multiple personality disorder.
@jctwritesstuff: Me: I only wanted a little mayo! I can't eat this! Him: Does it matter that much? Me: Well, would you like me to stab you a little or a lot?
@hrtbps: "I have parrot-like reflexes." "Don't you mean cat-like reflexes?" "Don't you mean cat-like reflexes?"