@vivalacrap: I mix up the Marvel and DC universes on purpose just for the angry sex
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@NikatNiteNite: Hubs and I have fought so much lately I've lost 10 lbs. I thought about leaving him, but I'd like to lose another 10 lbs first.
@ReeseButCallMeV: I taught my 1yo how to turn on my mother-in-law's dishwasher since she only uses it for storage.
@BridgetPhetasy: In Hell, all of your Google searches post directly to your social media accounts.
@SkinnerSteven: [street] ME: "What if I park here?" PARKING OFFICER: *writing a ticket* "Fine by me"