@iTomFoolery: I mixed coffee with Red Bull, now I can see the invisible things my kitten pounces on.
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@CelticMoonDance: I'm beginning to question your proclamation of your "spiritual gifts". You are about as intuitive as my autocorrect.
@jbillinson: "Yes Mr. Trump, I took Joe's pocket knife away and we'll get you some new tires for that limo right away, but I can't make him say sorry"
@joejwest: [judging dog show] DOG: [barks] ME: [ticks clipboard] This one's working fine AUDIENCE MEMBER: You have misunderstood what's required of you
@Try2StopME: I had a pretty confused childhood because I thought obituaries are actually advertisements selling dead people.