@marinhubka: I moved to LA 9 months ago and I've just been circling around this whole time looking for a parking spot.
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@notacroc: [Preschool] Teacher: aw what's this little guy's name? [Simultaneously] Me: laser panther Wife: Jacob
@YuckyTom: a sea turtle lives for 150+ yrs despite threats from the moment she hatches and I will most likely slip in the shower and die from a bonk to the noggin
@MattMcC1: the worst part of being a chuck e cheese janitor is having to kiss each ball in the ballpit goodnight before i turn the lights out.