@OwensDamien: ‘I murder drifters and use their hair to make little dolls. Oh, you meant at work! My biggest weakness is that I’m a perfectionist.’
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@Home_Halfway: FRIEND: Your smoothie looks awesome ME: Thanks. It's just 20oz of guacamole, it cost me $310
@Brianhopecomedy: I told my wife that if she has any problems she can talk to me like she talks to her girlfriends so we're discussing why I'm such a idiot.