@ElKnuckelhombre: I must be looking extra good today because this dude with a backpack on the side of the road was giving me the big thumbs up. Thanks man!
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@krishna_van: A horse, a penguin and a chimp walked into a bar and that's when I realised I was drunk.
@omically: a 3-way standoff between a duck with a laser pointer, a cat with a vacuum cleaner, and a dog with a loaf of bread
@SaltyCorpse: Do you ever go back and read your old tweets and wonder, "My God... What was I on and do I have any left?"?
@WheelTod: Yesterday I watched Rogue One, featuring a cameo from Carrie Fisher. One hour later she was dead. So today I'll be watching Home Alone 2.