@KelgoreTrout: i named my first son "christian" and i named his twin brother "born-again christian"
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@McNevich: Girl in front of me at the store this morning bought a Kool-Aid Burst and a big Slim Jim. Heroes walk amongst us, folks. Real life heroes.
@mishakey: Pretty weird to think that in the future, there will be old people named 'Hailey' and 'Brayden' running around in vintage Twilight t-shirts.
@KentWGraham: ME: We live in an uncaring universe void of meaning and purpose. WIFE: I understand, but you’re still folding all this laundry.
@TheCatWhisprer: Accidentally switched the baby formula with coconut milk and now my newborn is complaining that her lullabies are "too mainstream."