@Ristolable: I named my son Kidding Me so whenever people say "Are you kidding me" he has to say yes. This is a bad joke thanks for your time
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@JB4Realz: "Y'ever wonder why the TARDIS is square on the outside but round on the inside?" *SuperCuts lady finishes my haircut without another word*
@1Happytwit: Kids don't scare me cause their little arms aren't strong enough to swing a chainsaw.
@sportswithjohn: Commentator just said that the rain "may just be the tears of a heartbroken nation," which shows a fundamental misunderstanding of rain.
@TheDizzyBeauty: When I'm texting, I start typing faster when i see you're typing too. Oh, IT'S ON!! #amazingrace