@Ristolable: I named my son Kidding Me so whenever people say "Are you kidding me" he has to say yes. This is a bad joke thanks for your time
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@MrSandeepP: Apparently you're not supposed to tell "That's what she said jokes" during the Board meeting because it's "inappropriate"
@aka_fatman: *writing résumé* Strengths? I'm great at multitasking *explosion in kitchen* My popcorn! *car crashes through fence* I forgot I was driving!
@AnniemuMary: Walked past our fish bowl and the water bounced like that cup in Jurassic Park. Now I feel both insulted and all powerful.
@JustinSayne722: Teacher: Who fought in the Civil War? Millennial student: Captain America and Iron Man. T: ....