@zakagan: I named my two kids Madness and Sparta, and boy do I love introducing them to people
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@ChipKellysBalls: Jehovah's Witnesses door-to-door success rate would be a lot higher if they partnered up with the Girl Scouts & started selling cookies ...
@kibblesmith: Jon if Garfield is too fat maybe stop purchasing ingredients and cooking full lasagnas for him you realize that's dinner for a human family
@simoncholland: [Mother's Day text to my wife] Don't let the kids know I sent this but do you know where we keep the powdered sugar and band-aids?