@dreamthievin: I need a guy who's cute charming smells good smells really good like cinnamon and sugar and flaky crust and actually I just need some pie
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@Reverend_Scott: Cops: THIS IS THE POLICE. COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP. Me: I can't, my dog fell asleep on my lap. Cops: AWWWW. OK WE'LL COME BACK LATER.
@Coolisiana: Obama: "I have no more campaigns to run...because I won both of them" Biden like 2 years later: LOL OH I GET IT. HES BEEN PRESIDENT FOR TW
@GloriaFallon123: A woman told me at dinner she liked me because I'm "not afraid to eat bread"--so I'm done with socializing for at least a year thanks