@abbycohenwl: I need an aggressive dog-barking sound on my phone, for whenever anyone knocks on the bathroom door when I'm in there
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@KenJennings: Dance like no one is threatening to call the police if you don't take your boombox and leave the Christian Science Reading Room immediately.
@Marlebean: The ONE time I actually want to say "duck", damn you autocorrect! "Sorry again! I'd love to join the preschool field trip to the DUCK pond"
@Parentpains: If six years of marriage has taught me anything its that couches are surprisingly comfortable to sleep on.
@LoveNLunchmeat: When I die, just throw the laundry in my grave with me. I want to die exactly as I lived.