@eliserose5: I need some sugar. Not the stupid kind that gives you mono, but the good kind that gives you diabetes.
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@Playing_Dad: Me: Can I bet $20 on the Panthers to win the Super Bowl? Government: Sorry, no Me: Ok, can I buy 1k in powerball tickets? G: Lol, of course
@HatfieldAnne: With literally no way of knowing if you were cursed by an evil witch as a baby, why would you take a spinning class?
@ch000ch: *hitler leans in close to the mic* and the next person to question me gets executioned *grammar nazi bites lip*
@Jaywoo74: Cop: You know why I pulled you over? M: Speeding? C: No! M: Not using my blinker? C: No! M: Because I'm drunk? Cop: Sir get off the mower!