@eliserose5: I need some sugar. Not the stupid kind that gives you mono, but the good kind that gives you diabetes.
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@simoncholland: Are we sure the wise men who brought frankincense and myrrh weren't just trying to sign Mary up for their essential oils pyramid scheme?
@electrolemon: i'm so sorry sir, but we here at chase bank don't accept gun-for-money exchanges. and we need an amount, not just "all the money you got"
@BakwasRadio: Whenever a guy peeps into my phone, I open the front cam and take a selfie with him.