@DearAuntAbby: I need to pick up a random hunky guy in a bar, bring him home, have him invite a friend, and THEN mention that I need furniture rearranged
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@AnOrangeSNES: In 8th grade I had to take care of an egg to teach me responsibility. That egg hatched, and I raised the chicken as my own. He was delicious
@TitansHomer: Guess what! Some blacks don't like whites, some whites don't like blacks! And nobody likes Mexicans! Big deal! Who cares!
@david8hughes: [me narrating a documentary about the pyramids] I really want a Toblerone for some reason.
@Adar79Angie: The security camera at work has "too many instances" of me acting like a dinosaur on film. And "any amount" is "too many." According to HR.