@nerdreign: If buying new underwear is evidence of an affair, my husband has been faithful for at least nine years.

@samalmightysam: • You're born. • You grow up. • You believe in Santa. • You stop believing in Santa. • You look like Santa. • You are Santa. • You die.

@sickipediabot: Breaking News ..... international womans day postsponed until tomorrow , as they haven't got anything to wear

@david8hughes: [Joseph & Mary answers door to god] "Mary, you're looking well." [Joseph puts arm around Mary & raises an eyebrow] "Jesus, your dad's here."

@TheLOLYBible: "But Lot's wife looked back as she was following behind him, and she turned into a pillar of salt, and Lot was like 'wtf' " Genesis 19:26