@weinerdog4life: You can pretend you're a ghost at pottery barn, there's no laws against that
@ceejoyner: Sir, the breadsticks are limitless, not unlimited. You only get one but its potential as a breadstick knows no bounds.
@KeetPotato: [valentine's day]
gf: [reading my txt] "keith just said he's going to give me 92 minutes of pleasure tonight"
her friend: "oh wow"
[later watching shrek 2]
me: "you look disappointed"
@ericsshadow: How many feet away from a tragedy do you need to be before its ok to snack?
@HidingNDAttic: ME: No Officer, I swear I’m not high
CAT: For the last time, I’m not a cop, and cats can’t talk
ME: Whew! In that case I’m high af
CAT: Busted! *flashes badge* Undercover Cat Cop strikes again!
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