@KayRants: I need to stop seeing caution tape as some kind of finish line.
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@JosesLovesYou: I remember back in the day when you had to roll up a tiny scroll and give it to a falcon to tweet
@shutupmikeginn: I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it's a website to find love. So I was close.
@DistractedMomma: I often agree to let my kids sleep over at other people's houses, just to remind parents that there are kids who are way worse than theirs.
@jackiembouvier: Well, Jesus, now all Samsung's competitors have to say is "we won't blow up in your pocket and set you ablaze!"